A Scrape Against Silence
by Minorkae
Summary: DISCONTINUED
1. Chapter 1

_**Silly me, I forgot the disclaimer! Here it is, I OWN NOTHING!!! Especially not Yu Yu Hakusho.**_

_**I got a lot of good reviews for my last story, 'I Long for the Oasis in Your Eyes' so I'm encouraged that people like my stuff. This is a little darker, heading into the shadows of our beloved bishie's souls. And yes, of course, there will be Yaoi, I'm not totally off my nut yet.**_

_**By the way, the noise Yusuke is making is an eh with a K, not Eeek! Okay, that's all.**_

_**Chapter One: Fate is a Fickle Friend**_

**POV: Hiei**

I'd like to consider myself well adjusted, for the most part. However, there are still times when footsteps in dark alleys hitting the walls wetly make me shiver with fear, and some nights I wake up screaming the word 'no' as loud as possible. Which presents a problem considering that I sleep in a friend's bedroom most of the time. Two friends, actually. I go from one to another each night hoping I won't wake up screaming. And if I do, that I can come up with a good enough lie to keep them from realizing why I am screaming.

I don't want to think about what would happen if they did. I'm too ashamed to admit it out loud and I know at least one of them would try and kill the person who created this problem.

That would be Yusuke, obviously. Actually, the thought of what Kurama would do worries me ever more then Yusuke murdering someone does. I don't know what Kurama would do but I do know that his loyalty to me hasn't wavered since my return from Demon World and Kurama is loyal to a fault.

Luckily, I haven't been found out. My secret is safe, for now.

**POV: Yusuke**

The sound of screaming woke me from an otherwise peaceful sleep. I was really freaked out too because I forgot that I was sharing my bed with Hiei. Or at least, I had been. Hiei was currently on the floor in the corner of my room, rocking back and forth.

But he'd stopped screaming.

I got out of bed and rubbed my eyes, trying to banish some of the tiredness and walked over to Hiei. "You alright buddy?" I asked, touching Hiei's shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" Hiei shrieked, jerking away as if I were hurting him.

_Oh shit. That's never a good sign._ "Okay, Hiei, who hurt you?"

"No one, I just can't stand being touched by you. It makes my skin crawl."

"Bullshit," I said calmly. "You were sleeping beside me in my bed. Don't lie to me, Hiei. We can make this easy and you can just tell me what happened or I'll have to get Kurama to come and pry the info out of your brain."

"Don't tell Kurama. What ever you do, don't tell Kurama." Hiei had a haunted look in his eyes. It was scaring me. I honestly had no experience with this kind of thing so I was holding onto a wing and a prayer.

"Okay, I won't tell Kurama. Just tell me what you dreamed."

"His eyes were soulless pits of black hell-fire and he took something that didn't belong to him. That's all I will say."

"You'll never get over it if you don't tell someone. Why are you so against Kurama finding out?"

"His punishments are more severe than death. He can grow a plant that will consume your soul. I will not tolerate that happening on my behalf."

"Fuck! It was Yomi, wasn't it!? When he still had eyes?" Hiei was looking at me like I was some kind of crazy old beggar on the street.

"How the hell did you know that?"

I stopped short. How had I known that? Soulless pits of black hell-fire? I didn't even know what color Yomi's eyes were. But I knew it was Yomi when he said the eyes were soulless. Something about that rang a bell with me.

"I don't want Kurama to go after Yomi and get himself killed. If you couldn't beat him, there's no way in hell Kurama can. I won't be responsible for Kurama's death."

"Oh, man, Hiei! You can't keep this from Kurama!"

"Why not?"

"Because he loves you. Why would you lie to someone who loves you?"

Hiei blanched. "He what? He... loves me?"

"Yeah, and so do I which is why I'm glad you told me."

"What love?"

"Um... the kind of love I feel for you is incomprehensible. I don't know what Kurama feels but I know he loves you somehow..."

"Why incomprehensible?"

"Never mind, just come back to bed and we'll talk about this in the morning." _Ever the procrastination king._

When I got up the next morning, Hiei was still asleep, which surprised me because he was usually gone before I woke up. I shook him gently. "Hiei?" I said.

Hiei grunted and rolled over to look at me. "Is there a reason you are waking me up?"

"Just that you're usually gone before I wake up. I'm shocked to wake up next to you."

"Get used to it."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that I live here from now on."

"Why?"

"So I can make sure you don't tell anyone my secret."

"Liar, why are you really staying?"

"I can't stand to look at Kurama anymore. Your place is convenient."

"I see you're back to your nasty self."

Hiei slapped me and stood up. "Do not call me nasty. Yomi called me nasty."

I gasped. _Now that the truth is out, he's gonna tell me every thing? I don't know if I can handle everything._

"Hey, I'm sorry, man. I didn't know. I just meant that you were being 'normal Hiei'."

"What is 'normal Hiei?'"

"Rude and mean and kind of an asshole. And I've never heard you say your name before. It sounds different coming from your mouth."

"How do you mean?"

"I mean, either you pronounced it wrong or I've been pronouncing it wrong for years."

"How could you possibly mispronounce Hiei? It is only four letters long."

"You put the emphasis on the last syllable. Ei. It sounds cool when you say it."

I stood up and started changing. Hiei inhaled sharply. "You don't have to look if you don't want to."

"It's not that. You have an awful burn on your back."

"Yeah, you probably did that when you were clinging to me last night."

Hiei looked like he was about to glare at me but changed his mind and grunted something that could, in Hiei-speak, pass for an apology. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

I turned around and showed him my chest. "You did this too."

There was a burn in the shape of Hiei's hand over my heart. "It'll be fine, I'll just put some aloe on it."

"Ningen healing. Hn."

"Do you have a better idea?"

"If you don't mind me healing you."

"You know how to heal?"

"It isn't the same way Yukina does it. I have to touch you."

"So does Yukina, she touches where it hurts and it gets better."

"No, I mean I have to REALLY touch you."

"Just do it if you feel bad enough about burning me."

Hiei walked up to me and wrapped his arms around me, touching my back lightly, then he got on his toes and kissed me gently. Chills rushed through my body and I felt goose-bumps erupt on my burns. I wanted to kiss him back but I thought that might make him angry.

But then he pulled back and looked at me, still holding me. "It won't work if you are unresponsive."

"Yeah, okay."

He kissed me again and I kissed back. It was a little awkward because I'd never imagined kissing Hiei. I mean, I'd been attracted to him for a while but my fantasies never involved kissing. Not that they were dirty or anything. It was just cuddling and feeling his warmth.

This was different. His kiss seemed to suck the heat away from the burns and it felt so nice that I held Hiei back.

Hiei broke the kiss and leaned his head against my chest. "I've never done that before," he whispered.

"The hurt is gone," I said, more just to say something than to inform Hiei that he'd done the right thing.

We stood there, holding each other for a while before Hiei backed away. "I'm sorry," he said. "I wasn't supposed to keep holding you."

"'S okay. I didn't mind." I brushed hair away from Hiei's face and let my hand linger. Then I realized what I was doing and jerked away. For a glimmer of a second, I thought Hiei looked hurt. "Yeah... sorry about that. Just caught up in the moment."

"What moment?" Hiei turned around and changed into a pair of my jeans and a shirt. "Staring for a reason?" he snapped.

"You are aware that you're wearing my clothes right?"

"All of my belongings are at Kurama's."

I chuckled. "They're way too big on you. You look like a gangsta in my clothes."

"I look like a what?"

"You look like me."

Hiei grimaced. "That is a problem. Perhaps I should go naked then."

"Ek!"

"Hilarious," said Hiei. "The thought of seeing me nude revolts you."

"No, the thought of seeing you nude does- ek! Just don't walk around my house naked, okay? Do us both a favor."

I thought I saw a glimmer of hurt in Hiei's face again but it was gone so fast that I was sure I had imagined it.

_**Review Biotches! I'm already working on the update!!**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**If you fruitcakes enjoyed the angst in the last chapter, you're gonna love this stuff. Enjoy.**_

_**As always, I hate writing disclaimers but here it is. I disclaim everything. There.**_

_**By the way, my keyboard is sticking so there might be some words that are missing letters, sorry about that. I'm getting a new keyboard this weekend prays. Updates for this story should come really fast (if my muses are kind) because I just graduated high school so I have a lot of spare time to write delicious smutty angsty bull-crap for you peoples.**_

**Chapter 2: Twice as Awful**

**POV:Hiei**

Living with Yusuke was both easier and harder than I thought. I didn't understand why he wouldn't touch me without jerking away as if I were diseased. I supposed I was. I had told him my secret, part of it, and I suppose that made me seem undesirable. Who wanted damaged goods? I was about as damaged as they come and that gave me pause to think that as a rape victim I was unattractive to Yusuke.

Hell, I've known all my life that I was ugly, it wasn't much of a shock that Yusuke thought so too. The only thing that kept me going was that one kiss. It held my heart together whenever Yusuke avoided touching me and I wanted to fall apart.

After several weeks of being basically untouchable, I gave up trying to entice Yusuke into touching me and I no longer bumped into him on purpose just to feel his touch. I decided to be cold and aloof, if he was going to give me the cold shoulder, I would give it right back.

**POV: Yusuke**

Hiei was acting weird. I mean, I know Hiei was weird but he was acting weirder than usual. He'd gotten more coordinated after a few weeks of bumping into me every time we passed each other. I supposed that meant he was feeling better.

But that didn't equate with his other behavior.

I'm no expert on rape victims, but I knew Hiei didn't want to be touched because he yelled at me not to touch him that time in the bedroom when I had tried to lay a comforting hand across his shoulders. But knowing I couldn't touch him was making him even more irresistible. Which is why I could only stare at him that Saturday when he asked me, "Am I really that revolting to you?"

I stared dumbfounded at the demon on my couch and nearly dropped the plate I was holding. "What?"

"I know I look disgusting and what Yomi did to me makes me ever less appealing but why are you being so cold to me?"

"What?"

"You jerk away every time we touch."

"Oh, that. I'm not well equipped to deal with a rape victim, Hiei. It's not like they teach Psychology in middle school and that's as far as I got in my school career. I just don't want to touch you because of what happened in my room that night. You still sleep in my bed but at night it's different. You're unconscious."

"Oh... I see..."

"Okay, I'm not imagining it, you looked hurt."

"It's nothing, Yusuke. Forget about this conversation. It was pointless... A scrape against a silence."

"Huh?"

"A scrape against a silence, Yusuke."

"What is that about?"

"It's the sound of need on hate."

"You mean, rape?"

Hiei nodded sadly and hugged himself. "It happened so fast and I was so weak from my jagon surgery... I was lower D-class when it happened. Not even my physical strength was enough against an A-class demon." Hiei looked up at me and his eyes were shining as if full of tear-drops. "I was strong."

"You're still strong. Yomi was just stronger." I was standing there awkwardly, unsure of what to do. Unsure if I was even saying the right things.

Hiei laughed humorlessly. "You don't understand. It wasn't just Yomi."

"Wha? Someone else hurt you too?"

"I didn't want to say... I don't want him to remember it happened. I was so relieved when he saw me the first time and didn't recognize me. At that point, I was too ashamed to exact revenge."

"Hiei, how long ago was this other rape?"

"Thirty years ago."

_Shit, I don't want to believe it but it is possible..._ "It was Kurama, wasn't it?" I asked gently.

The first silent tear slid down Hiei's face. That was all the answer I needed. "I'm sorry, Baby, I don't know what to say."

Hiei curled up tightly and started shivering. Everything in his posture was crying out for comfort but I didn't know what comfort I could offer without touching him so I grabbed the shawl off the chair and draped it over him. I watched Hiei as his crying slowed and eventually stopped as he fell asleep. _I think I've cried myself to sleep like that before... Not because of something as bad as what happened to Baby but... Wait, why am I calling Hiei Baby?_

I didn't want to think about it and was spared having to by the phone ringing. I took it in the kitchen. "Hello?" I said, feeling stupid because my voice sounded sad.

"Yusuke?"

"Oh... Hi, Kurama." _The last person I wanted to talk to..._

"Have you seen Hiei lately? I haven't seen him in over a month."

"Yeah, sorry I didn't call you about that. Hiei decided to live with me full time."

"I see."

"Hey, um... could I ask you a question?"

"Shoot."

_How fitting..._ "When Hiei slept at your house, did he sleep in your bed?"

"No, I slept in my bed. Hiei slept on the floor. He said soft mattresses were bad for his back."

"I'll bet. Listen, if Hiei's going to be living here, I need to get his stuff from you. Is it alright if I come over and get it?"

"Are you sure you don't want me to bring it to you?"

"Positive. I'll be there in a while." I disconnected before Kurama could object and be stupidly polite and make me want to shoot him again.

**POV: Hiei**

I woke up to an empty dark house. That pissed me off. It also made me strangely sad. I was angry because Yusuke left me alone but I didn't know why that would make me angry. I thought it had something to do with him leaving me alone while I was vulnerable and that made me remember.

"Shit!" I said, looking down at the couch. I was lying amongst 40 billion dollars worth of hirusaki stones. Then I took a closer look. "Shit! Shit, shit shit!!" The gems were black with a swirl of red in the center. The price-tag just doubled.

It allowed me to forget about the terrible dream I just had in which I had been raped repeatedly by Yoko and Yomi and beaten to a bloody pulp. I shivered just thinking about it.

Instead of thinking about my awful dream, I thought about Yusuke and what I was going to do to him when he returned. If he returned.

_Now you're just being ridiculous. It's his house. Of course he's coming back. Stop whining._

I sighed and started collecting the hiru stones, trying hard not to think of the implication of their color scheme and instead focus on being angry at Yusuke.

That didn't work.

It fell apart half-way through searching for a reason.

The implication of the colors came floating to the fore-front of my mind.

And I knew that my anger would be useless.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Disclaimer: How about I let you know if it ever becomes mine. You can all assume it isn't mine until I tell you that it is.**_

_**How should I say this...? No, it's not getting any happier.**_

**Chapter Three: My Heart Cries For You**

**POV: Yusuke**

When I got back to my apartment with Hiei's stuff, I don't know what I was expecting but it certainly wasn't what happened.

The second I walked through the door and set the dufflebag of Hiei's stuff on the floor, I was glomped.

Yes, you read right. _Glomped._

"What the...? Hiei?!" I crashed to the floor with the fire demon on top of me.

"I am sick and tired of you not touching me. I hate being treated like a leper, so if you don't touch me, I will touch you. Are we clear?!" Hiei shouted.

"Not quite..."

"What the hell is the MATTER with me that you don't want to touch me?"

"Ek! You were raped."

Hiei looked at me disgustedly and stood up. He gave me a look that made my blood run cold. "If my trauma affects you that much, maybe I should go live with Yukina."

"It's no bother, really, I just don't want to touch you and get yelled at again."

Hiei blinked and the cutest startled look crossed his face. "Oh..."

I stood up. "If you didn't mind me touching you, you should have said something. I'm more than happy to give you hugs if you don't mind."

"Mind? Mind!? Are you crazy?!"

"I guess you DO mind."

"I don't mind you touching me. In fact, if you don't touch me I might molest you while you are sleeping."

Hiei was breathing heavily and it kinda spooked me out. "Um... o...kay... You mind waiting for me to wake up before doing the molesting thing? I want to be awake for that."

"If you're teasing me, you've just made a grave error."

"Am I going to be on the receiving end of Hiei's sexual frustration?"

"You deserve it."

"Excuse me? I'm not the one who yelled at me for touching you. Wait, yelled at me? That doesn't sound right."

"Shut up and kiss me!"

"No."

"No? You're telling me no?"

"I'm not a big fan of angry sex. In fact, I'm a virgin so I want my first time to be romantic. Call me crazy but I don't think making out with you when you're this pissed off is very romantic."

Hiei walked over to me slowly. "I don't have the patience for this. Romance is not one of my strengths."

"I can't kiss you if you're pissed off."

"You broke my heart, you asshole."

"Okay, we're not getting any closer to being happy here are we?"

Hiei tossed a rock at me. No, not a rock, a tear-gem. "What? Yeah, I saw you crying..."

Hiei laughed. "The implication of a black and red tear-gem is a broken heart."

"How could I break your heart? You never even gave me a chance."

Hiei sighed and I was relieved to see some of the tension escape from his body. "I gave you all the chance you needed. You just didn't see it."

"Help me out here, Hiei. You're not giving me anything I can work with."

"You think I know how this works? I told you my secret. I even told you about the one I didn't want to tell you at all. Who else knows my secrets?"

"Kurama?"

"Wrong. No one. Only you."

"So by telling me your secret, you opened your heart to me and I treated you like a disease. Wow, when you put it that way, I feel like a real asshole."

Hiei stepped closer to me and rested his head on my chest. "Your heart is warm," he said. "I'm not used to that." He looked up at me with strangely vulnerable eyes. "If I told you I loved you, what would you say?"

"Are you telling me you love me?"

"If you broke my heart, that means I have to love you. Or at least I had to at one point. I feel the same way about you as I always have. Only sadder." He looked away and leaned into me more.

I wrapped my arms around him and held him for a while. He didn't hug back. "Are you going to be alright?" I asked softly.

Hiei looked up at me. "A kiss can heal a broken heart, too."

I touched Hiei's face and leaned forward to kiss him. He caught my lips half-way and wrapped an arm around my neck. I stroked his hair absently then rested my hand on his shoulder.

He gently parted my lips with his tongue and explored my mouth, tasting, testing. I responded gratefully and snaked my arms around his waist. Hiei purred when I touched his back and then gently pulled away.

**POV: Hiei**

Outwardly, I was calm. Inside, my heart was singing. I found someone whose touch didn't hurt me. Whose touch, in fact, awakened my heart to feeling things I had never thought I would feel. If this was love, I never wanted to part with it.

I used to think that love was a useless human emotion. Now I decided that human or not, it was fine with me to feel.

Yusuke hugged me again. I hugged back and melted into his touch again. I wanted badly for him to kiss me but I decided not to push it. If he wanted me, he'd let me know.

"Did you have a nice nap?" asked Yusuke.

I shook my head no. "The nightmares only come when I sleep alone."

"Something to remember." He planted a kiss firmly on my forehead and silently pulled away.

"It doesn't hurt."

"What?"

"When you touch me, it doesn't hurt."

Yusuke looked at me with sad eyes. "I wish it didn't hurt all the time, Hiei. I wish you could touch anyone you wanted and it wouldn't hurt. And I wish you would tell Kurama about what happened between you and Yoko. You can't move past it if you won't let him know how he hurt you."

I nodded. He was probably right, but that confrontation would have to wait for another day. "Where did you go?"

"I went to Kurama's to get your things."

"What did you say to him?"

"That you were living with me and not to worry. Why?"

"You didn't say anything about Yoko or Yomi?"

"No, that's not my secret to share. Anyway, I don't want to be responsible for Kurama going on a rampage. It was the fox that hurt you, you know that right? Kurama is mostly human now. The fact that he doesn't remember it is probably a good sign. I mean, I know he's both Yoko and Kurama but there's a reason his fox side won't let him see the memory. I'll bet Yoko is ashamed of what he did to you know that he knows you better."

"He knew me fine when we worked together as thieves. That was when Yomi had his big opportunity. Shortly after, Yomi was blinded so I felt as if he got what was coming to him. I stayed with Yoko and was his solitary partner for a while, except for Kuro of course. They were lovers. But then... Kuro was killed and Yoko had no one to sate his lust. He was an evil demon. I feel better about myself thinking about what he has done."

"Has he done really awful things?"

"The worst. Rape, murder, thievery, betrayal. He killed children in front of their mothers. He killed mothers in front of their children. Then he stole anything of value. He raped women while their men were tied up somewhere near by where they could watch. He burned people alive, fox spirits have fire magic too, you know. He buried someone alive, once that I know of. He tortured his victims for sick sadistic pleasure. I was an upstanding citizen compared to Yoko. Yoko passed on all of his skill but none of his past to Shuuichi. I'm grateful that he no longer bears that burden. A human heart is too frail to handle such guilt."

"That's why they invented Catholicism... Man, that's terrible. And you were around when he did that shit?"

I nodded. "I've never told anyone this before and everyone that knew Yoko personally is gone except me... and Yomi. I spent fifteen years in hiding waiting for him to die. Then I spent another fifteen needing his services to take over the world. It was awful."

Yusuke had bit a hole in his lip which was now bleeding. "I am so pissed right now. I'm glad that Yoko jerk isn't around anymore because I'd have to serve his ass to himself for breakfast."

I wasn't sure what he meant by that but it didn't sound pleasant. "Just don't take your anger out on the boy. He isn't Yoko, not by a stretch. I don't know if Yoko even exists as he was anymore. I doubt it. Being human probably cured him of his social disease."

"Social disease!" Yusuke laughed. "That's a full-blown plague of social debauchery."

"I'm surprised you know the word debauchery."

"I don't think I used it right."

"No, I think debauchery is an excellent word for it."

_**Getting kinda weird now, huh? Does Yusuke love Hiei or not?**_

_**You tell me.**_


End file.
